Today can only get better. It’s 9:45am and this is my day thus far:
- Ava wakes at 3:30am after I foolishly went to bed late at 11pm. Feeling much less than bushy-tailed as I roll out of bed to start the morning. Grrrrrr. Drive Ang to train station while I’m still in PJs. Ava no shoes.
- Early morning sunglare blinding my bleary crusty morning eyes. Lower car visor. Garage door opener lands firmly and squarely on my wrist. !@#$%&* OUCH.
- Take my sweet $10-spot that Ang gifted me this morning to treat Ava and myself to McDonald’s (or Old MacDonald’s as she calls it). Total for order at the drive-thru is $4.45; I get $0.55 back. Must pull over and wait 5 minutes to be ferried my $5. I am NOT going in there looking like this.
- Return home, pull in driveway, garage door does not open. Garage door opener is dead. Garage door is locked without functional opener. Is it a battery or did my now bruised/broken wrist responsible? Consider crying.
- Front door is security chained, back door is barricaded. No access. My unwashed, ungroomed, PJ’d appearance resembles the Creature From the Black Lagoon but I must now leave the cover of my car to resolve this issue. Looking like this. Public will most likely run screaming.
- Home Depot = outer ring of Hell. Fitting as I look like a hellbeast. Purchase a new 9 volt battery to cover possible battery issue; also purchase new garage door opener just in case – no way I’m coming back here looking like this, further making a spectacle of myself. Did you know that a stupiddinkybasic garage door opener costs minimum $33? What kind of big box store rape is this? My wallet is sore.
- Apparently the broken garage door opener’s assault on my wrist shifted the sliding code key buttons inside just enough so that I cannot ascertain what the code is, should I need it. If it’s not a battery issue I cannot program the new opener and will still be locked out. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
- THANK GOD. It’s a battery issue. I’m in. Score today is now Michaeleen: 1, World Fuckery: 8.
Game not over.
- Now to call plumbers for quotes on our basement toilet. Rugrat guerilla tactics have lodged a flashing sparkle ball in the toilet that is unrecoverable by either determined, highly-motivated husband or experienced, handyman father. Toilet is currently disconnected and in repose in the shower stall. Crap. Haha – actually not.
They do not make a bottle of wine big enough to cancel out today. But you can’t call me a quitter – I’ll try to find it.