That may sound harsh Computer, but let’s call a spade a spade. You are slower than the slime drying on a snail’s trail and more tempermental than a woman with PPMD.
I don’t mean to be ageist or anything because I know that you are 8 years old, but I brought you DSL, kept you regularly updated, clean and protected from toddler fingers. Well, except that one time that Ava pried off your comma key – but secretly I blame you for being so weak as to have given it up so easily then making it so *&^%$#! hard to fix.
But still you persist in being a quirky and unpredictable partner. You freeze, disconnect, run slow and keep telling me that you are running short on space when I know that isn’t true. And I’m just at the end of my rope.
I’m going to replace your sorry ass before I throttle your little LCD screen to darkness. Verizon Support supports me in this so don’t test me. If you behave I just might let you live out your senior years in comfort rather than dispatching you in a blaze of terror, ground under the Jeep’s tires in the driveway.
No – I don’t have anger issues. You’re just a bastard Computer. So shape up or prepare to be shipped out.